Coexistence is the
art of living peacefully with another. Whether
it is with family members, a significant other, or a neighbor, however, the
process of living with or near another human being is, without a doubt, the
most ridiculous, frustrating situation imaginable. I refer to coexistence as being a process for
it continually and inevitably finds a way to irk every sense of my being,
urging me to recognize the intricacies of raw human nature and nonsensical
behavior. One begins to wonder how it
is at all possible to live in such close vicinity to another without memorizing
his or her gruesome eating habits or shit schedule. The situation is that much more troublesome
when one finds herself in love with her cohabitant.
It
is 2:37 in the morning. A guttural,
animalistic noise wakes me from a pleasant dream. I sit up, surrounded by darkness. It is quiet.
My heavy eyelids begin to droop as I drift off to sleep once more. There it is again: a noise comparable to that
of a dinosaur with intestinal problems.
The large lump of a man next to me shifts beneath the sheets as an unforgiving
moan escapes his drooling mouth; I brace myself for what I know will come
next. I roll over, shove my head beneath
a pillow, and quickly scoot to the very edge of the mattress, but to no
avail. The smell that began to seep
between the fibers of my bedding was enough to devastate an entire
civilization. Choking for clean air, I
sense my eyes beginning to water. At
that moment, the sleeping mound emits a deep sigh, relieving me of any fear
that there would be a second attack. He
rolls over, spooning me once again, and I drift into another dream, if only for
a moment.
It
is 5:11 in the morning. After nearly
three hours of relaxing rest, I am awakened once again by the sound of
footsteps outside the bedroom. There is
an empty spot on the bed where the sleeping man once was. The bathroom light is on, its door wide open,
and the sound of streaming liquid begins to echo through the hall. “It’s only natural,” I think to myself. Boys will be boys. Upon his return, he jumps back into the bed
with such force that its supporting beams quiver beneath us. A large, lazy arm wraps around me as I pray
for a few more hours of sleep.
It
is 7:35 in the morning. My alarm blares
from the nightstand; the monster from the night before gives me a light kiss on
the forehead. I smile knowing the misery
of my restlessness was well worth it. As
I make my way to the shower, still half asleep, I catch a glimpse of the
Jackson Pollock of pee that he has left behind on the toilet seat. A slight whimper peeps out of my mouth. His kiss now stands as a preemptive apology
for the mess he will neglect to clean up.
I hold onto my pride, quickly wipe away the muddle of urine, and prepare
myself for the rest of the day’s guaranteed undertakings.
It
is 8:07 in the morning. He is sitting on
the couch, his face buried in a vat of Cheerios. He flashes a goofy smile as a drop of milk
dries on yesterday’s stubble. The cereal
box has been left out for me, which I begin to pour as he noisily slurps down
the remaining sugary milk from his bowl.
And there it is again: the horrifying, rumbling sound that surely must have
upset the neighbor’s baby. This time, an
enormous belch gargles through his throat, leaving him with a pleased grin upon
his face. He pats his belly like an
obese man after Thanksgiving dinner, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand,
and motions for me to sit next to him.
I
still have yet to understand the benefits of coexistence, but I am quite
certain that it is an advanced art – one that requires tentative care and far
more patience than I have in store. One
may ask how it is humanly feasible to interact with such a primitive being, regardless
of any romantic involvement. In all
honesty, I ask myself the same question.
Dr. Seuss tells us that, “you know you’re in love when you can’t fall
asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Though, I wouldn’t know; my sleep keeps
getting interrupted. It may be that no
reason is needed for loving, but I sure as hell would like some answers.
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