A Brief Encounter

A Brief Encounter from andie estes on Vimeo.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  A woman, not significantly older than myself, stood hunched over the spider web of lines that had wound its way beneath the surface of the darkened paint, lifting it slightly in broken, dry desert patterns.  She carefully maneuvered the tip of her small Q-tip in a coin-sized circular motion, not even stirring with our entrance.  Finally stepping back to admire the progress of her dainty hand, she turned to us, suddenly lifting the tension that had had me unknowingly holding my breath for the past minute or so.  I was mesmerized, bewitched by the faded painting coming to life beneath her touch.  When I could finally speak, I squeaked out the only request I could formulate.  I wanted to capture this moment.  In self-conscious uncertainty, I tried: “Umm… je voudrais, umm… je veux prendre une photo?  S’il vous plait?”

Warmly smiling in my direction, she told me to go ahead and take a photo.  But NO flash!!! A flash could potentially damage an oil painting, and this painting, oh, this painting, was not only spawned in the 16^th century, but had thousands if not tens of thousands of dollars being poured into the restoration of its darkened surface by the organization of the Chateau de Chantilly in France.  As I stood next to the museum director, I turned to him for reassurance, then merrily raised my brand new digital camera and waited for the green box to pop up, telling me that it was all a go… click.  An explosion of light burst forth from my fingertips and engulfed the darkened room.  Well, I guess I still had a few settings to mess around with on my new device.

It had been so long since I had felt this alive!  What I had just witnessed changed the way I would pursue art.  Five years down the road, I still feel the rush of excitement raised by the fading mental images of my first brush with art conservation.  Growing up with an artist as a mother, art has always been a part of my daily life.  But somehow, this encounter that occurred my junior year of high school sparked a new level of understanding of art.  Something clicked inside of me and I knew I had found my niche.   This groundbreaking revolution withdrew me, if only for a few minutes, from the depths of my unmitigated self-loathing.  I was once again reminded of what it meant to live.  I was reminded of a time before my downward high school spiral.

New to my all girls high school, I was extremely nervous, but also excited to start class with ninety-some girls who would be my “sisters” for the next four years.  While I had always had a knack for art, it wasn’t until I started high school that my art became a source of refuge and escape.  Somehow, two years into my high school career, my experience had transitioned from one of joy to one of complete loss of confidence and insecurity.  By the end of my sophomore year, I had gone from marveling at the crisp plaid uniforms, to cursing the day I decided to wear them.

The absolute worst day I can remember was one afternoon when, as a junior, I came home from school so upset and so down that I couldn’t even take off my uniform to crawl into bed.  I simply made my way upstairs and under the covers, as if I could hide from myself.  My mom came up to check on me but I was inconsolable.  I couldn’t even catch my breath long enough through all the tears to squeeze out a word.  When my dad got home from work, both of my parents came to my room and sat on either side of me.  They asked me if I thought I should seek help from a counselor; perhaps I should try talking to someone.  I wouldn’t listen to them.  I denied that they were right, but at the same time, I knew they were right.

From the moment I saw the young woman restoring the oil masterpiece, art became more than just a hobby for me.  I was reminded of what it meant to be alive.  Art wound itself around my very soul, comforting me in my most helpless moments.  Art is my savior.  Ever since my experience at the Chateau de Chantilly, I have pursued art with renewed vigor, as well as opportunities pertaining to art conservation.  This new interest has lent direction to my studies and my own art career.  It has given me a purpose.  In a world that I often feel is incapable of understanding, art has befriended me and remained my one true confidante.